Making mistakes while navigating the dating world is just part of being human. That’s probably why so few of our romantic pursuits actually work out the way we hoped. If we had it all figured out, finding a life partner wouldn’t feel nearly as complicated as it does. And if we wrote off every person who made even a minor misstep, most of us would end up spending our evenings alone, replaying our worst experiences on a loop.
The real challenge lies in knowing the difference between a forgivable awkward moment and a genuine warning sign worth walking away from. A Reddit thread might help shed some light on where exactly that line falls.
Posted by user HorizontalInterrupt, the thread posed the question: “Women who gave the ‘creep’ a chance — how did it turn out?” The responses flooded in, each one a firsthand account packed with the kinds of red flags worth paying close attention to.
That said, it’s worth stating clearly that none of this is meant to suggest all men are dangerous or that dating is something to fear entirely. People across the board have the capacity for both kindness and harm. The hope is simply that our own instincts and judgment guide us toward those we can genuinely feel safe with.
#1
He showed up uninvited at my house and demanded a kiss before leaving. He kissed with his eyes wide open — cold and completely vacant. He also openly identified as a Nazi and told me, “I don’t like Black people, but you’re okay.” This was during high school, so at least I learned early on to stop second-guessing my gut.
#2
At the tail end of an already uncomfortable date, he asked for a hug as I was heading out. I figured it was harmless and just wanted it over with. As I pulled back, he grabbed the back of my head and forced his tongue into my mouth before I could get away. The following morning, a three-page email was sitting in my inbox detailing everything supposedly wrong with me — and explaining why he had no interest in seeing me again.
#3
He spent the whole evening trying to put me down, and when he asked about my siblings, I mentioned that one of them had passed away a few years back. His response was to ask whether I had killed them. If someone gives you that uneasy feeling, they simply aren’t worth your time. No apologies for saying it.
#4
It’s been well over a decade and he is still finding ways to reach me on whatever platform he can track me down on. He sends incel memes mocking the fact that I rejected him. The one silver lining is that we no longer live in the same city — at least as far as I know.
#5
I let him into my home, for reasons I still can’t fully explain, and walked in on him urinating into my washing machine.
#6
He became completely fixated on me. I had to be blunt to the point of rudeness just to get him to back off, because polite attempts at distance didn’t register with him at all. He later hurt himself and then went around telling people to ask me why he had done it. Worth mentioning — I was 17 at the time and he was 26.
#7
He invited me to dinner with his friends, which turned out to be his entire family — already halfway through the meal when I arrived, right on time. When I tried to leave, he followed me to the parking lot and physically blocked me from getting into my car. As I reached for the door handle, he grabbed my face and kissed me without any warning. That was easily a decade ago and it still makes me cringe to think about.
#8
My gut was telling me something was off, but a mutual friend vouched for him, so I gave it a shot. On our date, he asked to drive my car, scraped the rims, and spent the ride complaining about being fired. The next weekend I ignored his calls and went out with friends instead. While I was out, he broke into my apartment. My neighbors had already called the police and officers were waiting outside when I got home. I stayed at my mom’s that night, and at 3 a.m. he showed up there trying to climb in through a window. An officer stayed in the driveway until morning.
A couple of weeks later he showed up at my workplace, walked over quietly, and handed me a stack of folded pages — somewhere between eight and ten sheets of notebook paper, written front and back, swinging between declarations that I was the love of his life and detailed descriptions of why he despised me and wanted me dead. Security escorted him out. I never saw him again, but I later learned he had done something similar to a woman in Spokane — except he actually got inside and put her in the hospital.
Edit: The mutual friend was dating my best friend, and this guy was his cousin. He’d genuinely hoped we’d hit it off so we could all spend time together. He was horrified by what happened but did admit he thought his cousin had “changed.” They no longer speak.
#9
I met him while working as a cashier in a small shop. He wasn’t really my type and something felt slightly off, but I was young and didn’t have much dating experience. I agreed to grab coffee as friends and made it clear I wasn’t interested romantically. He became convinced he was Gatsby and I was his Daisy — the film had come out that same year. He began sending letters and gifts to my workplace, writing about how we were destined to be together. When I confronted him, he started sending his friends to drop by and “check on” me. He also loitered outside on nights I closed alone.
I eventually quit that job and things seemed to die down. Seven months later, a call came from an unknown number. It was him — freshly released from a short prison sentence — calling to tell me he had thought about me every single day and was going to find me. I told him I was going abroad for college indefinitely, changed my number, and thankfully never heard from him again.
#10
I met him during a chemistry competition in another city. We were teammates, so I was friendly. Somehow he tracked down my address through the registration paperwork and showed up outside my building at 10 p.m. the following week. He was in a complete state on the phone, telling me I’d have to come outside eventually and that he’d be waiting to take me with him. My dad and uncle came out and sent him away. He texted once or twice afterward with insults, and that was the end of it.
#11
During high school, a group of my female friends and I had a free period before lunch and were sitting together at a table. A female security guard approached and told me there was a new exchange student from Amsterdam who thought I was cute but was too shy to introduce himself. I have no interest in men, but I saw no real harm in letting him sit with us and feel more at ease. He came over, sat down, and seemed quiet and reserved. He had piercings running up both arms that he kept fidgeting with.
When the period ended and my male friends started joining us for lunch, something shifted. Every guy who sat down and introduced himself was completely ignored — no response, not even a glance. It was strange at first, then genuinely unsettling. He only ever engaged with the women at the table. I didn’t speak to him after that lunch, and two weeks later he was expelled for slamming a girl into a locker and choking her until she nearly lost consciousness.
#12
On our very first date, he told me he loved me and said I could choose the color of our future house. The rest of the evening was excruciating. I never reached out again.
#13
We got married. Three children later, I have never been more unhappy.
#14
We did one video call, during which he asked if he could call again later that day. I told him no, that I’d be busy. Almost immediately, random texts started coming in throughout the day: “Are you okay? Just let me know you’re okay.” I replied to the first one, telling him I was completely fine and had only hung up with him half an hour ago. He interpreted that as an invitation to video call again. When I didn’t pick up, the texts resumed. I stopped responding entirely. By the time I could block him, there were nearly 20 unread messages sitting there.
#15
He stalked me for close to eight months. To this day I have no idea how he got my address. I was 19. He was 31. Looking back, I was far too trusting.
#16
I gave him a chance. I was 21, he was 30. It ended with me living in his mother’s basement while he sold weed. It was miserable and abusive.
#17
It went badly. He became obsessive, grew intensely insecure around any other men in my life, and gradually tried to cut me off from my friends.
